quest
Over the past few days I have been trying to figure a lot out. The past year has been such a huge experience for me so far as trying to figure out just who I am. yes blah blah blah that whole soul searching bs but its not really the same with me. I know who I am, what I needed to find is who I am now. I needed to bury myself in my past and then bury my past. I needed to understand my past before I let it go, and I believe I finally have. I have come to terms with it, and respect it. That is all that counts. Over the past few weeks, and really these past few days I have taken the pieces I have accumulated over the past year and took a good long hard look at what I have in front of me, or inside me rather (maybe?). I think to be complete I need a challenge, because I have never really found one in my life. I need something I will struggle with, and overcome. I need a group of people to encourage me, yet I need to do something on my own to be proud of. I looked at nature farms in hawaii to going off in the woods for a few days on my own. I have finally landed upon the Outward Bound program. One just off Washington state to be exact that includes sea cannoning and mountaineering. I believe this will give me the support of a group while also allowing me to experience things and challenges on an individual basis. I am terrified at heights, so I think that will be my main challenge, overcoming it.
I need to do this, for myself. I need other people to see I am an individual (cough cough mom) while I also need to do this, for myself. I need to look back and say hey I did this and i did it on my own. I’m sick of giving people credit for my work. I’m ready to do something for myself.
There is more to come on this, “quest” the outward bound would be the final phase of my journey I believe. I just need to find the rest. I just don’t know what it is yet…
MUSIC:
Ask me how I am: snow patrol
Chasing Cars: snow patrol
Goodnight and Go: Imogen Heap.
The walk: Imogen Heap
In my arms: Mylo
